I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck an Everymans Guide to a Meaningful Life Book Review

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by John Kim.

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Description

The Aroused Therapist who has helped thousands of men observe more happiness in their relationships and more purpose in their lives now shares his insights with everyone in this powerful guide — self-help in a shotglass — roofing essential topics, from vulnerability and posturing to workouts and women. Deep in post-divorce soul searching, John Kim came to an astonishing realization: he was a miserable f*ck who might simply exist to blame for the problems in his life. Armed with this new insight, he began The Angry Therapist blog — an access that, while he was a licensed therapist and life omnibus, he was no amend than the people who sought his communication. In his offset post, "My Fucking Feelings," he wrote about the struggles and shortcomings that had led him to this point. As his work caught on, catapulting him into the role of unlikely and unconventional guide for thousands of people all over the world, Kim evolved from behaving like a boy to living like a man — and showed his clients how to do so as well. In I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck, Kim delivers the dos and don'ts for stepping up and into manhood, which he defines past transparency and strength of graphic symbol, not six-pack abs or a corner function. With his signature no-nonsense arroyo that will make you laugh and call back, Kim takes you on a rugged, rough and tumble route trip of self-exploration and discovery, sharing his wisdom and insights, such every bit why:Being squeamish is for boys, and being kind is for menScheduling man dates could make you lot a better friend, lover, and human being beingPeeing in the shower is a sign of a larger problemArguing, judging, and answering, "I dunno" are keeping you from a healthy relationship, a great career, and a happy life We are not born men. We are built-in boys. The transition from misery to significant is an internal procedure that requires work: reflection, pain, courage, and sometimes, a rebirth. Kim knows because he's been in that location. The truth is, men weren't meant to just pay bills and die. With this book every bit your guide, you will love hard, walk tall, and find a life filled with purpose and passion.

Let'southward exist real: 2020 has been a nightmare. Between the political unrest and novel coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, information technology's difficult to look back on the twelvemonth and find something, anything, that was a potential vivid spot in an otherwise turbulent trip around the sun. Luckily, there were a few bright spots: namely, some of the excellent works of military machine history and analysis, fiction and non-fiction, novels and graphic novels that we've absorbed over the last year.

Here'due south a brief list of some of the all-time books we read here at Chore & Purpose in the final year. Have a recommendation of your own? Send an email to jared@taskandpurpose.Com and nosotros'll include information technology in a future story.

Missionaries by Phil Klay

I loved Phil Klay's first book, Redeployment (which won the National Book Award), so Missionaries was loftier on my list of must-reads when it came out in Oct. Information technology took Klay six years to research and write the book, which follows four characters in Colombia who come up together in the shadow of our postal service-9/11 wars. As Klay'south prophetic novel shows, the machinery of applied science, drones, and targeted killings that was built on the Middle Due east battleground will continue to abound in far-flung lands that rarely garner headlines. [Buy]

- Paul Szoldra, editor-in-chief

Battle Born: Lapis Lazuli by Max Uriarte

Written by 'Terminal Lance' creator Maximilian Uriarte, this full-length graphic novel follows a Marine infantry squad on a encarmine odyssey through the mountain reaches of northern Afghanistan. The full-colour comic is basically 'Conan the Barbarian' in MARPAT. [Buy]

- James Clark, senior reporter

The Liberator by Alex Kershaw

Now a gritty and grim animated World War II miniseries from Netflix, The Liberator follows the 157th Infantry Battalion of the 45th Division from the beaches of Sicily to the mountains of Italy and the Battle of Anzio, then on to France and later still to Bavaria for some of the bloodiest urban battles of the conflict before culminating in the liberation of the Dachau concentration camp. Information technology's a harrowing tale, merely i worth reading earlier enjoying the acclaimed Netflix series. [Buy]

- Jared Keller, deputy editor

The Only Plane in the Sky: An Oral History of ix/11 by Garrett Graff

If you lot oasis't gotten this must-read account of the September 11th attacks, you need to put The Merely Airplane In the Sky at the top of your Christmas listing. Graff expertly explains the timeline of that 24-hour interval through the re-telling of those who lived it, including the loved ones of those who were lost, the persistently brave commencement responders who were on the ground in New York, and the service members working in the Pentagon. My only proposition is to not read information technology in public — if yous're anything like me, you'll be consistently left in tears.

- Haley Britzky, Army reporter

The Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World by Elaine Scarry

Why do nosotros fifty-fifty fight wars? Wouldn't a massive lawn tennis tournament exist a nicer manner for nations to settle their differences? This is ane of the many questions Harvard professor Elaine Scarry attempts to reply, along with why nuclear war is akin to torture, why the language surrounding state of war is sterilized in public discourse, and why both state of war and torture unmake human worlds past destroying access to linguistic communication. It's a big lift of a read, but even if you just read affiliate two (like I did), you'll come up away thinking about war in new and refreshing ways. [Purchase]

- David Roza, Air Force reporter

Stalingrad: The Fateful Siege: 1942–1943 by Antony Beevor

Stalingrad takes readers all the way from the Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union to the collapse of the sixth Ground forces at Stalingrad in February 1943. It gives you the perspective of German and Soviet soldiers during the almost apocalyptic battle of the 20th century. [Buy]

- Jeff Schogol, Pentagon correspondent

America'south War for the Greater Middle East by Andrew J. Bacevich

I picked up America's State of war for the Greater Center East earlier this year and couldn't put it down. Published in 2016 by Andrew Bacevich, a historian and retired Army officer who served in Vietnam, the book unravels the long and winding history of how America got so entangled in the Center Due east and shows that we've been fighting one long war since the 1980s — with errors in judgment from political leaders on both sides of the aisle to blame. "From the end of World War Two until 1980, virtually no American soldiers were killed in activeness while serving in the Greater Middle East. Since 1990, virtually no American soldiers have been killed in activity anywhere else. What caused this shift?" the book jacket asks. As Bacevich details in this definitive history, the mission creep of our Vietnam experience has been played out again and again over the past 30 years, with disastrous results. [Buy]

- Paul Szoldra, editor-in-chief

Burn In: A Novel of the Real Robotic Revolution by P.Due west. Singer and Baronial Cole

In Fire In, Singer and Cole take readers on a journey at an unknown date in the hereafter, in which an FBI agent searches for a high-tech terrorist in Washington, D.C. Prepare after what the authors chosen the "real robotic revolution," Agent Lara Keegan is teamed up with a robot that is less Terminator and far more of a useful, and highly intelligent, police force enforcement tool. Perchance the most interesting office: Just about everything that happens in the story can be traced back to technologies that are beingness researched today. You can read Task & Purpose's interview with the authors here. [Buy]

- James Clark, senior reporter

SAS: Rogue Heroes by Ben MacIntyre

Similar WWII? Like a band of eccentric daredevils wreaking havoc on fascists? Then you'll beloved SAS: Rogue Heroes, which re-tells some truly insane heists performed by one of the first modern special forces units. Best of all, Ben MacIntyre grounds his history in a compassionate, counterbalanced tone that displays both the best and worst of the SAS men, who are, similar anyone else, merely human after all. [Buy]

- David Roza, Air Force reporter

The Alice Network by Kate Quinn

The Alice Network is a gripping novel which follows two mettlesome women through dissimilar time periods — one living in the backwash of World War II, determined to find out what has happened to someone she loves, and the other working in a secret network of spies behind enemy lines during Globe War I. This gripping historical fiction is based on the truthful story of a network that infiltrated German lines in French republic during The Groovy War and weaves a tale so packed total of drama, suspense, and tragedy that you won't be able to put it down. [Buy]

Katherine Rondina, Anchor Books

"Because I published a new book this year, I've been answering questions about my inspirations. This means I've been thinking nigh and so thankful for The Girl in the Combustible Skirt past Aimee Bender. I tin't credit it with making me want to be a author — that desire was already there — but it inspired me to write stories where the fantastical complicates the ordinary, and the impossible becomes possible. A daughter in a overnice dress with no i to capeesh it. An unremarkable boy with a remarkable knack for finding things. The stories in this book taught me that the everydayness of my world could become magical and strange, and in that strangeness I could find a new kind of truth."

Diane Melt is the writer of the novel The New Wilderness, which was long-listed for the 2020 Booker Prize, and the story drove Homo 5. Nature, which was a finalist for the Guardian First Volume Award, the Laic Volume Award, the PEN/Hemingway Award, and the Los Angeles Times Award for Start Fiction. Read an extract from The New Wilderness.

Bill Johnston, University of California Press

"I've revisited a lot of old favorites in this grim year of fear and isolation, and take been most thankful of all for The Collected Poems of Frank O'Hara. Witty, reflexive, intimate, queer, disarmingly occasional and monumentally serious all at one time, they've been a abiding balm and inspiration. 'The merely thing to do is simply keep,' he wrote, in 'Adieu to Norman, Bon Jour to Joan and Jean-Paul'; 'is that simple/yes, it is simple considering information technology is the only affair to do/can you practise it/yes, you can because it is the merely thing to do.'"

Helen Macdonald is a nature essayist with a semiregular cavalcade in the New York Times Magazine. Her latest novel, Vesper Flights, is a collection of her best-loved essays, and her debut book, H Is for Hawk, won the Samuel Johnson Prize for Nonfiction and the Costa Book Honor, and was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Laurels and the Kirkus Prize for Nonfiction.

Andrea Scher, Scholastic Press

"This twelvemonth, I'm then grateful for You Should Meet Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. Reading — like everything else — has been a struggle for me in 2020. Information technology'due south been tough to permit go of all of my anxieties almost the state of the world and our land and get swept away by a story. But You lot Should Come across Me in a Crown pulled me in right abroad; for the beatific time that I was reading information technology, it made me recollect virtually a globe exterior of 2020 and it made me smile from ear to ear. Joy has been hard to come by this twelvemonth, and I'one thousand so thankful for this book for the joy information technology brought me."

Jasmine Guillory is the New York Times bestselling writer of five romance novels, including this year's Party of Two. Her work has appeared in O, The Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Real Simple, and Time.

Nelson Fitch, Random House

"Last year, stuck in a prolonged reading rut that left me wondering if I even liked books anymore, I stumbled across Tenth of December by George Saunders, a collection of stories Saunders wrote between 1995 and 2012 that are at turns funny, moving, startling, weird, profound, and often all of those things at the aforementioned time. As a writer, what I crave most from books is to discover one so excellent it makes me feel like I'd be better off quitting — and so wonderful that it reminds me what information technology is to be purely a reader over again, encountering new worlds and revelations every time I plough a page. 10th of December is that, and I'm so grateful that it fell off a high shelf and into my life." Veronica Roth is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the Divergent series and the Carve the Marking duology. Her latest novel, Called Ones, is her offset novel for adults. Read an excerpt from Called Ones.

Ian Byers-Gamber, Blazevox Books

"Waking up today to the prospect of some hours spent reading away part of some other 24-hour interval of this disastrous, delirious pandemic year, I'yard most grateful for the volume in my hands, ane itself full of gratitude for a life spent reading: Gloria Frym'southward How Proust Ruined My Life. Frym's essays — on Marcel Proust, yes, and Walt Whitman, and Lucia Berlin, merely also peppermint-stick candy and Allen Ginsburg's knees, among other Proustian retentiveness-prompts — restore me to my sense of my eerie luck at a life spent rushing to the next book, the next page, the adjacent word."

Jonathan Lethem is the author of a number of critically acclaimed novels, including The Fortress of Solitude and the National Book Critics Circle Honour winner Motherless Brooklyn. His latest novel, The Arrest, is a postapocalyptic tale about 2 siblings, the man that came between them, and a nuclear-powered super auto.

David Heska Wanbli Weiden, Riverhead

"I'm incredibly grateful for the magnificent The Heartbeat of Wounded Genu by David Treuer. This book — a mélange of history, memoir, and reportage — is the reconceptualization of Native life that's been urgently needed since the final peachy indigenous history, Dee Chocolate-brown's Bury My Heart at Wounded Genu. It's at once a counternarrative and a replacement for Chocolate-brown'south book, and it rejects the standard tale of Native victimization, conquest, and defeat. Even though I teach Native American studies to college students, I found new insights and revelations in almost every affiliate. Not only a great read, the book is a tremendous contribution to Native American — and American — intellectual and cultural history."

David Heska Wanbli Weiden, an enrolled member of the Sicangu Lakota Nation, is author of the novel Winter Counts, which is BuzzFeed Book Society's November pick. He is also the author of the children'south volume Spotted Tail, which won the 2020 Spur Award from the Western Writers of America. Read an excerpt from Winter Counts.

Valerie Mosley, Tordotcom

"In 2020, I've been lucky to finish a single volume within 30 days, but I burned through this 507-folio brick in the bridge of a weekend. Harrow the Ninth reminded me that even when admittedly everything is terrible, it's still possible to experience deep, gratifying, brain-buzzing admiration for vivid art. Thank y'all, Harrow, for being one of the brightest spots in a dark yr and for keeping the home fires burning." Casey McQuiston is the New York Times bestselling writer of Blood-red, White & Regal Blue, and her side by side book, Ane Last Terminate, comes out in 2021.

"I'1000 grateful for Five.South. Naipaul'southward troubling masterpiece, A Bend in the River — which non only made me see the globe anew, but made me see what literature could do. It's a volume that's lucid enough to reveal the brutality of the forces shaping our world and its politics; yet soulful plenty to penetrate the well-nigh recondite secrets of human interiority. A volume of great dazzler without a moment of mercy. A marriage of opposites that continues to shape my own deeper sense of but how much a writer tin can actually accomplish."

Ayad Akhtar is a novelist and playwright, and his latest novel, Homeland Elegies, is about an American son and his immigrant begetter searching for belonging in a post-9/11 land. He is the winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and an Award in Literature from the American University of Arts and Letters.

Vanessa German, Feminist Press

"I'm well-nigh thankful for Daddy Was a Number Runner past Louise Meriwether. It's a YA book set in 1930s Harlem, and it was the first Blackness-daughter-coming-of-age book I ever read, the outset time I ever saw myself in a book. I appreciate how it expanded my world and my understanding that books can speak to you lot right where you are and take you lot on a journey, at the same time."

Deesha Philyaw'due south debut curt story collection, The Undercover Lives of Church building Ladies, was a finalist for the 2020 National Volume Award for Fiction. She is besides the co-author of Co-Parenting 101: Helping Your Kids Thrive in Two Households Later Divorce, written in collaboration with her ex-husband. Philyaw's writing on race, parenting, gender, and culture has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, McSweeney's, the Rumpus, and elsewhere. Read a story from The Secret Lives of Church Ladies.

Philippa Gedge, W. Due west. Norton & Company

"Equally both a writer and a reader I am hugely grateful for Patricia Highsmith's plotting and writing suspense fiction. As a author I'm thankful for Highsmith's generosity with her wisdom and experience: She talks united states of america through how to tease out the narrative strands and develop character, how to know when things are going awry, even how to decide to give things up as a bad job. She's unabashed about sharing her own 'failures,' and in my experience, there's nothing more than encouraging for a writer than learning that our literary gods are mortal! Equally a reader, it provides a fascinating insight into the genesis of ane of my favorite novels of all time — The Talented Mr. Ripley, besides every bit the rest of her brilliant oeuvre. And considering it's Highsmith, it'southward so much more than simply a how-to guide: It'due south hugely engaging and, while accessible, also provides a glimpse into the mind of a genius. I've read information technology twice — while working on each of my thrillers, The Hunting Party and The Guest List — and I know I'll be returning to the well-thumbed re-create on my shelf again soon!"

Lucy Foley is the New York Times bestselling author of the thrillers The Guest List and The Hunting Party. She has also written two historical fiction novels and previously worked in the publishing industry as a fiction editor. "The books I'm most thankful for this year are a three-book series titled Tales from the Gas Station by Jack Townsend. Walking a fine line between comedy and horror (which is much harder than people think), the books follow Jack, an employee at a gas station in a nameless town where all manner of horrifyingly fantastical things happen. And while the monsters are scary and more than a little ridiculous, it's Jack'southward os-dry narration, along with his best friend/emotional support human being, Jerry, that elevates the books into something that are as lovely as they are absurd." T.J. Klune is a Lambda Literary Accolade–winning author and an ex-claims examiner for an insurance visitor. His novels include The Firm in the Cerulean Sea and The Extraordinaries.

Sylvernus Darku (Squad Black Epitome Studio), Ayebia Clarke Publishing

"Nervous Conditions is a book that I accept read several times over the years, including this twelvemonth. The novel covers the themes of gender and race and has at its eye Tambu, a young girl in 1960s Rhodesia adamant to get an education and to create a amend life for herself. Dangarembga'south prose is evocative and witty, and the story is idea-provoking. I've been inspired anew by Tambu each time I've read this book."

Peace Adzo Medie is Senior Lecturer in Gender and International Politics at the University of Bristol. She is the writer of Global Norms and Local Activeness: The Campaigns to Terminate Violence against Women in Africa (Oxford University Press, 2020). His Only Wife is her debut novel.

Jenna Maurice, HarperCollins

"The book I'm about thankful for? Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. My mother and father would read me poems from it before bed — I'm convinced it infused me not only with a sense of poetic cadence, but too a wry sense of sense of humor."

Victoria "V.Due east." Schwab is the bestselling author of more than a dozen books, including Savage, the Shades of Magic serial, and This Fell Song. Her latest novel, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, is BuzzFeed Volume Order's December choice. Read an excerpt from The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue.

Million Vázquez, Square Fish

"My childhood best friend gave me Troubling a Star by Madeleine L'Engle for Hanukkah when I was 11 years old, and information technology's still my favorite volume of all fourth dimension. I love the mode it defies genre (it's a political thriller/YA romance that includes a lot of scientific enquiry and also poetry??), and the way it values smartness, gutsiness, vulnerability, kindness, and a sense of adventure. The book follows 16-twelvemonth-old Vicky Austin's life-altering trip to Antarctica; her trip changed my life, too. In a twelvemonth when safe travel is almost impossible, I'thousand then grateful to exist able to return to her story over again and again."

Kate Stayman-London'due south debut novel, 1 to Watch, is most a plus-size blogger who's been asked to star on a Bachelorette-like reality show. Stayman-London served as atomic number 82 digital author for Hillary Rodham Clinton's 2016 presidential entrada and has written for notable figures, from onetime president Obama and Malala Yousafzai to Anna Wintour and Cher.

Katharine McGee is grateful for the Redwall series by Brian Jacques. Chris Bailey Photography, Firebird

"I'm thankful for the Redwall books by Brian Jacques. I discovered the series in elementary school, and information technology sparked a love of big, epic stories that has never left me. (If you lot read my books, you know I can't resist a broad cast of characters!) I used to read the books aloud to my younger sister, using funny voices for all the narrators. Now that I have a little boy of my own, I can't wait to someday share Redwall with him."

Katharine McGee is the New York Times bestselling author of American Royals and its sequel, Majesty. She is also the author of the Thousandth Floor trilogy.

Beth Gwinn, Fourth dimension-Life Books

"I am thankful most for books that deport me out of the earth and back over again, and while I find it painful to choose amid them, here's one early and 1 tardily: Zen Cho'due south Blackness Water Sis, which comes out in 2021 but I devoured only ii days ago, and the long out-of-print Wizards and Witches book of the Time-Life Enchanted World series, which is where I starting time read about the legend of the Scholomance."

Naomi Novik is the New York Times bestselling author of the Nebula Honor–winning novel Uprooted, Spinning Silverish, and the ix-book Temeraire series. Her latest novel, A Mortiferous Education, is the first of the Scholomance trilogy.

Christina Lauren are grateful for the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. Christina Lauren, Little, Brown and Company

"We are thankful for the Twilight series for most a million reasons, not the least of which it's what brought the two of us together. Writing fanfic in a space where we could be silly and messy together taught u.s. that we don't have to exist perfect, but there's no harm in trying to get better with every attempt. It likewise cemented for united states of america that the best relationships are the ones in which you can be your existent, authentic self, even when yous're struggling to do things y'all never thought y'all'd be brave enough to attempt. Twilight brought millions of readers back into the fold and inspired hundreds of romance authors. Nosotros really exercise thank Stephenie Meyer every solar day for the gift of Twilight and the fandom it created."

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